Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
