I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
