You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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