first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
