Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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