8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
