Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
