In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
