therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
