This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did i walk over a car last night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
