I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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