also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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