Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
