I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think people are normalizing furries
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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