On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
