If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
