At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
