SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
