Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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