Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
