Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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