we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Terrible idea I love it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
