I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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