My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
