my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
