One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
