Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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