so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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