shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
