I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
