I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
