What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
