chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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