3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
