Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
