We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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