2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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