You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
