Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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