I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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