We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When are your genitals available?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
