Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
