I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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