he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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