I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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