I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
