so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
4 words: hood of his car
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
