FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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