Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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