i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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