If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
