If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
