You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
