Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
