I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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