My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
