Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
