but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
