We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
