Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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