we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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