im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
