allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
