and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
