Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
