My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
