drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
