Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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